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-Voltaire
For the last three months, I have seen first hand how the government has been able to curtail our civil liberties. Indeed, power can become so intoxicating that the slightest sign that it is to be taken away from those who hold it, they lash out on the innocent bystanders who have done nothing but live their lives and enjoy the freedom that they have been given.
Today, as I went to watch the very first game of the UP Lady Maroons, I did not realize that the freedom I enjoy now that I am no longer part of the team and now that I only sit and watch at the bleachers, would threaten the leadership of the team's head coach.
I guess the details of what happened are unimportant. In fact, I do not intend to rant about a person who cannot defend himself in this forum. That is not the way I work. I do not need to find allies if only to lessen the guilt I feel.
True, I do feel guilty. But that is only because I acted contrary to what I always preach. I lost my patience and did not think first. I was probably unable to set a good example for my former teammates who depend on me for advice.
The guilt however is alleviated at the thought that I fought for what I have always thought to be an essential feature of my character--I fought for my right to speak. As for the coach of the team I love, I continue to fight for his right to be heard by his subordinates, because he is in the position to. I know that some of his players have decided to let go of the friendship they once had with him but I still want them to listen to their coach because it is his right to be heard.
I told him, "I'm no longer your player," and if I were the coach, I know that I would have been hurt. But I wish that despite of the callous way I put it he would realize that my only wish is that I be treated as an equal and not like one of the pawns in his game. It is as selfish as I put it--I want to be respected. Part of the respect I expect is that I be allowed to exercise my right to speak.
I also hope that he would soon realize that he needs to stop treating his players like children because they have minds of their own and they have already formed their own paradigms with which they see the world.
IN the same light, I hope that his players realize that they have minds of their own and that the only way that they would be respected is if they learn to speak up when they feel they have been maligned. I know that they still have respect for their coach. He is, after all, a very competent coach but, to show respect does not mean they are inferiors and I hope they realize that on their own.
By and by I am sure that this too shall pass. At the moment, my emotions are a hodgepodge of sorts. I sometimes catch myself staring at the ceiling wondering whether I have done right. I am sure that in our lives we have all done something we regret but when it comes down to it, this is the sort of thing I could not regret.
So on the question of right and wrong, I think I have done something that I believe in. I am not proud of the way I handled myself but I hope that whoever hears the story (in parts or in entirety) would see past the cruel way with which I put forth my feelings and realize that as part of growing up, we sometimes need to express our autonomy and act on our own instincts.
To whomever reading this, I do not intend for this short rhetoric to sound like a disclaimer. I realize my faults and apologize for them. I hope all of you know me well enough as to be certain that what I did (although not well thought out) is something that the likes of me would do. Some might call it being stubborn, others would say it was an expression of sovereignty. As for me, I consider what happened a sign that I have graduated from being the player to being my own person.
He said, "Don't show up at practice anymore," I say that is only fair. Let him be the god in a place where he feels secure.
I wish however to properly say good bye to the players that I never had the chance to get to know. Despite of what happened, I do not love any of them less. If anything, my decision to back off and not talk to them about it made me realize how much of myself I am willing to sacrifice just so I would see them in the finals.
I could play any sport as long as they were my teammates. I hope they know that.
posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 2:32 AM
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Sunday, April 16, 2006
Hi Ma'am Charlene. I just thought you'd like this picture. :)
posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 3:22 AM
The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 3:22 AM0 Comments:
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:39 AM
The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:39 AM0 Comments:
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
As a foot note to whatever I said, I suggest you read the third book of conversations with God, Solitaire mystery and google William James and Pragmatism.posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 6:57 PM
The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 6:57 PM0 Comments:
According to the dictates of the Roman Catholic Calendar, the lenten season is upon us once again. While this week signifies repentance, sacrifice, etcetera etcetera, to many Filipinos, it signifies the many pretense my parents have of me.The celebration of palm sunday is the beginning of my week-long act. As many of you already know, I am no longer a Catholic in practice. I haven't been one for the last six or seven years of my life. I choose not to go over the details of my turnaround because there was no actual turning point. There were several instances, several discoveries, several books and several insights that snowballed, rolled down the hill and bowled me over.
Sure, I believe that there is such a thing as a supreme deity but I refuse to believe that any religion offers a better way to whatever is out there. I am taking the stance of William James when it comes to believing in God. Like William James, I believe that I have more to gain than lose by believing that there is, as Thomas Aquinas would put it, a Prime Mover. Because of the "cash value" of this belief, I would have to take a "leap of faith", and use that belief as a precedent for all my actions.
As such, I believe in such things as the greater good, and thou shall not kill... but this is only because these beliefs have a greater cash value than religion.
So why do I not believe in religion?
I have weighed religion against many things in my life and for most part, everything far outwieghs religion.
True, the act of benevolence may have come from Christianity but oppression of women also has its roots in it. True, the idea of acting like a saint came from Catholicism, but idolatry came with it.
As a student of philosophy, I have therefore chosen to believe in something that fails pragmatically (which is sadly just one reason why I do not believe in being a catholic).
When I get the chance, I would probably discuss how religion fails in logic.
posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 6:30 PM
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