Maia's Deck

Friday, September 22, 2006

I know I have about a million other things to do and that I would probably regret wasting the next fifteen minutes updating this hole. The truth is, this semester has brought me from the hell and back, and the finals are about to drown me again and take me to yet another trip to the fiery hole of Christian make believe. I'm scared shitless because I haven't been as diligent as I could be. I tried but the sheer volume of cases to read and reread, digest and review, they just stare at me as though they are daring me to give up. My stomach's empty and I'm in the library. There's so much to be happy about--my laptop for one, and my night out with friends--but when you know all the load of crap you ditched will catch up to you, you just have to keep the giant smile in check. Sometimes, no matter how cheesy it may seem, I just want to sit down and cry. The problem is, after being awake for hours, and after losing about a hundred hours of sleep, the tears are literally dried up.
Right now, my stomach's churning but it's probably because I haven't eaten. I rushed out of my house to get to the library and get some work done, forgot to eat my breakfast, and here I am, writing after almost a month if being idle.

Life indeed, is a big fat irony. You chase your dreams because you want to be happy, but the chase will make you sad. The question begs to be asked: what if you don't get there?

I'm here, I'm living the dream. Screw the big fat questions. Screw the ironies.
I have my laptop and that keeps me smiling for a while.
I tell myself, one day, I'm going to have enough money to keep me smiling for days on end. I'm going to buy happiness so god help me. Then, I'm going to burn all the cases that were mocking me... and burn them good.

I'm not making sense but nothing really does.

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 8:02 PM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 8:02 PM

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