Maia's Deck

Monday, July 10, 2006

Recovering from a class lecture, where my eardrums were pushed to its maximum capability, is nearly impossible. Tonight I would much rather sit in front of the computer and wallow in despair. It was not that I did not expect it. The guy was a known terror professor. Its just that I am not used to it and no amount of orientation would ever help me or anyone for that matter, prepare for a lecture of the sort.

I do not want to go into a detailed account of what happened. Suffice it to say that the 3 hours of exceedingly hostile lecture made me ask myself why I even bother. I'm a humanist. I live life to live life. It's corny, I known, and overly romanticized but the reason I decided to go into law was because I wanted to work with farmers in the province. I know that I would do them a disservice if I do not work hard in law school. What kind of help will I be if I am not prepared to face the rigors of practicing law?
Its just that as a humanist, I want to do things that will make me happy. This is not it.

The four years I would have to spend in preparation is like a big wall. I cannot see what lies behind it. I can only hazard a guess, which, I have to admit, is a dream that I built myself. What if after I break the wall or push past it, there was really nothing behind it? What if it was nothing but a dream? Nothing like ally mcbeal or ED?

The next four years would be nothing but infinite depression.
I've gone through one month of it.
Am I ready to go through more?

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 2:34 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 2:34 AM

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