Maia's Deck

Friday, May 26, 2006

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love." -Rose Walker, Sandman #65 (Neil Gaiman)

Ok, don't get me wrong. I don't hate love. A person like me should never hold anything against love as I have never been romantically involved with anyone. I believe in the lame creed, "innocent before proven guilty," and so I shall pass judgment when I wouldn't sound like a crazy lady afraid of ending up a no good, old maid with thirteen cats but a hurt and shriveled up lonely girl, left to fend off the demons of being alone.

Inexperienced as I am, I still don't understand what all the fuss is about it. Right now, I am very happy with how things are with me and the people I know. No, don't think it. I don't have commitment issues. I just think that at the moment, there are so many things I want to experience and I don't want to drag my lover into any mess that might come out of my dreams.

Yeah, yeah. "Love is love through good times and bad," but hell, we all know that unless you are going to tie the knot (somewhere around the neck of your man), that old cliche just isn't true.

I'm sure cupid (that frightening little dwarf) has reserved two arrows for me but I hope that when he shoots it, it will not leave a wound. I'm not frightened but let's face it, real love is hard to come by these days (that much I learned from watching television).

Let's say I am missing out on the chocolatey goodness that is love. Well, I'll never really know what I'm missing if I don't know what it was in the first place so screw it.

Anyway, I have to go. The people I love platonically are waiting for me downstairs.
This much I can say about love: I don't understand it and as far as I know, no one else does. Why bother?

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:17 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:17 AM

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