Maia's Deck

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Someone once said that the difference between a vision and a cause is that a vision is worth living for, but a cause is worth dying for.

What happened to us?

A vision is in the mind. It is a picture. A dream, if you may. But a cause is something less abstract. It is in the now. It is the breath of life. The purpose. It is not just the end but the all that falls in between.

We have gone to hell and back to win the championship and then here we are, now, so afraid to take the chance.

What are we so afraid of? She asked.

They are afraid of finding out that they might not have what it takes to win a championship. That all they have worked for is just a vision--something that is just in the mind. Something that is like a wisp of smoke that cannot be held.

What does it take?

It takes one to realize that this is both a dream and a cause. Something that surpasses of the level of "to die for."
It is so important that one will go through heaven and hell and back.

The only regret that I have now, is that I am not in the position to die for that cause.

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 6:02 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 6:02 AM

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Walk Out the Door Before its Too Late.

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:43 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:43 AM

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Sunday, August 21, 2005

KAHIT MAPUTI NA ANG BUHOK KO By: Sharon Cuneta
Kung tayo'y matanda na
Sana'y di tayo magbago
Kailan man nasaan ma'y
Ito ang pangarap ko
Makuha mo pa kayang
Ako'y hagkan at yakapin
ooooooh
Hanggang pagtanda natin
Nagtatanong lang sa `yo
Ako pa kaya'y ibigin mo
Kung maputi na ang buhok ko
Pagdating ng araw
Ang `yong buhok
Ay puputi na rin
Sabay tayong mangangarap
Nang nakaraan sa `tin
Ang nakalipas ay ibabalik natin
ooooooh
Ipapaalala ko sa `yo
Ang aking pangako
Na ang pag-ibig ko'y laging sa `yo
Kahit maputi na ang buhok ko
Ang nakalipas ay ibabalik natin
hmmmmmm
Ipapaalala ko sa `yo
Ang aking pangako
Na ang pag-ibig ko'y laging sa `yo
Kahit maputi na ang buhok ko
Kahit maputi na ang buhok ko

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:22 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:22 AM

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Thursday, August 18, 2005

At least there are still things to laugh about.

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 7:52 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 7:52 AM

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"True love is the one that made you lose control."

"True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint

in another."

"Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love. "

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
Spoken by the character Rose Walker in Sandman #65

I have not experienced love. At least not of the good kind. But I have known a soul-hurt, real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. And it really does leave you crying in the dark.

And then you hope that someone will come along. Someone will make you stop crying. But at that moment when you are about to let go, you know that the world might crumble around you again and that you might be left crying in the dark, so that even when all the signs say that, that person wouldn't, the fear has left a splinter so deeply that you just couldn't bring yourself to be at least a step closer to that kind of pain again.

It happens over and over and over again. Until it happens to be that it has become your own fault why you are so defensive and frightened.

They ask you why you are so distant, cold and unfeeling and all you can do is smile, hoping that the smile says "I'm not," even when your mind is screaming, "Why not?"

Who Should Listen?

A love that was lost,

who should listen to the tales?

If the man is a fool,

who speaks in old cliches?

Wasted words of regret,

Who should listen to the cry

If the soul has been broken

What is left to dignify?

Who should listen to the fears

of the one that's left to fall

If the tears all have fallen

then what's left to save at all?

--Lj

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 7:02 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 7:02 AM

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I hope we TRUST each other this much.

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:03 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 5:03 AM

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"Sa mundong ito, kung hindi ka matutututong lumamon, ikaw ang lalamunin."

Have I wasted my life looking after myself, taking care not to get hurt?

Its been 20 years of existence and for much of it, since the first time I get hurt, I have learned to be cynical.

Is it really a world of "eat or be eaten"? Or did I create the idea when I first got hurt?

Am I a predator or a prey?

In my constant fear, I think I have hurt people that I hoped not to hurt. When you shy away from people because you might hurt them, is it natural?

I have seen predators who ate their own younglings because it is the natural order of life.

When you run away from predators, it is natural. What of those times when you run away from the people who feed you?

PREDATOR.

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 4:54 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 4:54 AM

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

At one point, when you've lived long enough, you learn to live with solitude. Then you learn that nothing else exists but. You may learn to share your life with someone but essentially, you would still be alone.
The difference of consciousness, which is reflected by intention and values, is enough to earn your solitude.
You can be in a crowded room with friends and yet still be alone. You can find someone who is like you, but isn't, really. You talk to her until there is none left to talk about and then you are alone again and that someone would be back to being someone else.

I cry because the world is laughing

I shed the tears deep within

They do not see it

they carry on

These happy faces

All unwittingly involved in

the conspiracy of my

SOLITUDE

And I have thought of whether

I should tell them

Or of whether

They should know

But these happy faces

Are all but unwittingly involved in

the conspiracy of my SOLITUDE

What happens when the 'now' is over? What would I be left with? These people of the present, do I dare call them friends? Perhaps I shall remember them forever. Perhaps because I have nothing and no one else to remember.

I have changed lives, haven't I? But these changes are barely recognizable, barely worth a strand of memory.

So if I should carry on like this, for forty more years, barely living, barely dying, I would sooner or later ask myself why I did not dare make myself worth remembering. In fact, even now, why haven't I?

In this insignificant existence, I have felt more secure, I want to believe. Perhaps it is because when I am unknown and the world is unknowable, I stand only for myself and then it is safe. But what of tomorrow when the nights should grow cold and the strong breeze batters me and I should want to breakdown with no one to see me shattered? Who shall remember that last effort until defeat?

Why is it that it is much, much lonelier when you are alone in a nearly deserted coffee house, watching the few people move uncaringly, than when you are alone in bed, left to wander in your own thoughts?

It is in fact, lonelier to feel alone when you are with someone,

than when you're alone with no one.

When it comes down to it, the loneliness is bourne out of insignificant existence.

If you begin to live as no one, insignificant and indifferent,

Could you still die?

I think not.

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 9:01 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 9:01 AM

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

First time Imma go bloggin. Kick ass time.

posted by The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 6:28 AM

The Lonely Joker who stares too deeply & too much at 6:28 AM

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